Building Relationships

Several years ago I sat and listened to an international student talk about the differences between teachers in the United States and those in his home country.  He talked about the limited interaction between teachers and students.  Months later I sat in a Ruby Payne workshop as they presented research on the link between grades and if a student likes the teacher.

I, personally,  am a big believer in building relationships between students and teachers.  Teachers should not be a student's friend but teachers are more effective when they have a relationship with their students and know more about the student's background.  That relationship can be built on something as simple as attending a band concert or cross country meet to support the students you have in class.  Congratulating them on an award or victory will show the student that you do care about them.  If a student suddenly changes, then stop them for a moment after class and ask them if everything is okay or if there is a problem they need

help with.  It also helps if you make it known to your students that you arrive to school early and stay after if they need help or have questions.  You can also talk to counselors, attendance clerks and nurses about students that have been absent or that you are having learning or behavior problems with.  Many times they can shed light on health issues or home life situations that affect the student's daily lives.  I have even made postcards that say "Thanks for being a good kid, your cooperation is priceless.  Mrs. Taylor".  I randomly give out the cards and

many value them so much the brag about getting one or post them in their lockers.  The students realize that they are noticed and their behavior is appreciated.  

All these things together work together to give students the confidence to come and talk when needed.  Many times that something is simply an adult to talk to, or someone to listen or give advice.  Sometimes its a breakup, sometimes family problems, personal problems, class issues or to share good news.  The result is the teacher understands the student more and therefore the teacher is more empowered to teacher that student is a way that is more successful.  Or maybe the student will respect the teacher more so when that same teacher needs to discuss grades or behavior with the student, the student will respond more positively because they know the teacher honestly cares about what is best for them.  And lets be honest, no matter how much work we put into that amazing lesson, what the students really want to know is does the teacher really care about me or not.

The teacher wins to because it is so satisfying to see the students succeed and come back and tell you how successful they are and thank you for taking an interest in them and contributing to their success.